Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Five things we’d do to fix PES

The features that can save the real footie fan’s game of choice from becoming PES-t it

Euro 2008 was great, wasn’t it? Exciting, dramatic and with more Turkish delight than a 20 quid box of chocolates. We almost forgot none of the home nations were there. Well, almost. Anyway, with our passion for the beautiful game peeked and the first batch of PES 2009 shots released a couple of weeks back, we thought it would be a good time to discuss what we’d like to see in the latest installment of the real football fan’s footie game.


First things first. We love PES. We really do. Over the series’ 7 year lifespan we’ve gone through all its baptisms of fire. Wiling away hundreds of hours scouring the continent for promising young wing backs in the Master League, cursing the cheating A.I. more than a Manc cop caught in a Rangers rabble and throwing more temper tantrums in multiplayer than William Gallas; all done in the name of the beautiful and infuriating game.


But there’s no denying that parts of last year’s game on Xbox 360 – and the PS3 in particular – were more broken than Derby’s defence. Cack-handed keepers, twitchy crossing and shooting and some poor presentation are the main issues that haunt PES 2008. Keeping these problems in mind, here are the top five things we’d like to see sorted for this year’s game.



5. Sort out the stadiums


Granted, in past games we’ve always had to put up with stupid names. But at least Magpie Park and the Red Cauldron were clearly modeled on St. James’ and Anfield. The last two next-gen PES games have done away with all the Premier League grounds. And bringing them back would add immersion and strengthen the atmosphere; making us feel like we’re actually huddled with our heroes in the Old Trafford’ centre circle, rather than some impassive observers controlling things from the sidelines. Hell, it might even make us forget we’re playing with North London or Man Red. Get this element sorted Seabass, and you can call the Emirates ‘Silly Nanny Coliseum’ for all we care.


The Silly Nannies' finest waves to his adoring Goooners



4. Let us tear up the turf


How about deformable pitches? You just know EA will include it with FIFA sometime soon and brand it with a gimmicky marketing slogan, like ‘turf tearer 2000′. Why not beat them to the punch and have pitches that will actually wear and tear depending on parameters like the weather and time of year? Just imagine the Drog slipping in a bog at a wet and windswept pitch, all thanks to some real-time deformation. We can almost feel the mud and hear the jeers of ‘get on your feet you diver!’ just thinking about it.


Thank God 'Drog' rhymes with 'bog' or we'd have let a
perfectly good Photoshopping opportunity pass us by


3. Bring back the decent edit mode


PES’ licensing issue, while partially understandable, has always been hugely frustrating. And, as much as we love playing with Berkshire Blues and West Midlands Village, a fully licensed Premier League would be the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, that’s about as likely as Charlton winning the Champions league. However, there are things that can be done to alleviate these naming nightmares and kit crises.


Yeah, we all want a fully licensed Premiership. But
we know we're gonna get Merseyside & Man Red


For starters, we’d love to see the fantastic kit editor from pre-PES 6 brought back. Alright, we all know EA are clamping down on PES gamers who manipulate code to make real kits and then share them on sights like PESFan. But at least give us an editor where every shirt isn’t blighted with a massive stripe down the middle. An exhaustive emblem editor that afforded the anal among us the tools to craft detailed badges and logos for our favourite sides would be much appreciated. And would wipe away the hurt of years of putting up with shoddy shirts.



2. Redo the animation


Concerning matters on the pitch, it’s vital that Konami tear up their current animation engine and start from scratch. While movement on the PS2 version is buttery smooth and Giggsy-graceful, the next-gen versions are hamstrung with three or four robotic running animations that make players like Ronaldo and Messi move like they’ve got colostomy bags crammed up their crappers (who else just got an unpleasant mental image?) Anyway, how about a nice new engine, perhaps build on the Havok physics engine? This would give players more natural weight, motion and collision detection.


The biggest question of the summer: Is Ronnie
set for a season with a bag or man nappies?


Crafting individual, unique player animations for some of Europe’s biggest hitters would be a great start. Imagine watching the subtlety and grace of a Van Persie slip of the shoulder, an explosive, oxen-strong run by Fernando Torres or the mesmerizing twinkle-toed dribbles of Robinho. This would not only help to differentiate players (making it easier to spot who’s who in the superlative zoomed-out wide view), it would give them personality. And might just create the illusion of playing with eleven unique, quirky individuals, instead of emotionless lines of computer code. PES 3 completely tore up the rule book and showed the relatively primitive movement of the first two PS2 games the red card. PES 2009 needs to do the same thing, and player specific animation, more realistic ball physics and better lighting effects would reinvigorate the series.



1. Fix the f@%$ing keepers!


Really, how hard can it be to fix this? Instead of wasting your time implementing a completely redundant (read: shit) diving system Konami, sort out the boys who guard the onion bag instead. We can’t count the times we’ve almost come to blows over a usually friendly game of multi-player PES thanks to the curse of Captain Pan Hands, that’ll often see even the tamest tap-in trickle into the net. We don’t mind our keepers being slightly unpredictable. It adds drama, after all. But at least make them semi-reliable when dealing with shots our partially-sighted Nan could save.


The curse of the cack-handed keeper.
Please Seabass, no more Captain Pan Hands!

Anyway, Seabass, there’s a few ideas for you. Get cracking now and PES might just be restored to its former pad-flinging, tantrum-flaring, exam-failing glories. Oh, and a PS3 version that actually works might be nice, too.



What about the rest of you? What would you like to see included in the new PES? Share your views below.


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